It finally came after all my progression an all out melt down!! Last night I feel asleep on the couch while my husband was playing the wii and then I had to get up to work on my team project. I got up worked on my paper and it was super late 12am finally I got done and my husband went to bed. However, I could not go back to bed my mind was racing...I tried to turn it off, I meditated and followed my breathing patterns.
Still my mind-- took over.
Why I had such a great day, I had brunch with my family and then we went shopping it was a really good day. We played the Wii and had fun as a family.
Could it be-- my dad!
I talked to my dad, and right now I am angry inside. I love my dad so much, but I am still angry with him for what he has done to my mother.
Their whole separation I just kinda.. I guess pushed it down-- I felt I had to. I was pregnant with my son when all the ugly stuff was happening and I could not let it bother me. I was pregnant and I tried not to let their problems become mine. I also didn't want to cry--I didn't want my kids to know if they didn't have to.
My parent’s history, they are on off and who’s to say the minute I told them they would be on again.
I did eventually tell my daughters before we went back to Texas this summer.
This visit back to Texas--just reassured me Texas is not home anymore.
This place used to be home and now it is no longer-- so much has changed.
Instead of dealing with it, I stuffed it down and early in the morning I had the biggest meltdown.
I was so happy my husband was there with open arms, even though he was sleeping so heavily he awoke for sobbing me...
I was able to just let it all out and cry till my head was in intense pain--tissue after tissue, I started to feel better.
The best part is I know my husband actually understood my pain. He loves my parents and his parents too are no longer together, his however split when he was younger. My parents choose to do this while I am adult...
Either way I was upset, that I allowed my anger to take over me, but was proud I let it out.
I feel much better-- and I feel an immense love and respect for my caring husband.
Whew... felt good to let that out!